One Year Ago Tonight

If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, also we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world.  -C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity


One year ago tonight I wrapped Chris up in my arms...he had just been taken off the ventilator and his iv's removed.  He was safely in my arms with our babies at either side, snuggled in holding him with me.  Obviously this has been very present in our hearts and spirits today and we've talked about it some and marked the day with some little special moments that would go unnoticed to most folks but have Weber significance.  Emily shared with me in the car the other day something quite meaningful. She said, "I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to get married until last year, but when I watched you hold dad for a good 48 hours, rocking him, singing to him, praying with him, I knew then that marriage was something I wanted for myself one day."  I only share this to illustrate a truth I have come to believe in greatly...every moment, even the hardest ones, are teachable moments and grace abounds and God is good.

I visited with my pastor today, he's just about the best at genuine pastoring of anyone I've ever known and he has an incredible ability to be present with you and simply hold your stuff and let it be okay. We talked about that portal that opens sometimes in life, when we feel so close to the Divine that we can almost touch and feel.  It's that great cloud of witnesses, the Church Invisible and the absolute Presence of the Triune God that floods in when our spirits are stripped of everything and all of life is set aside.  Holding Chris a year ago today, time stopped.  Life and everyone and everything in it except for our family was set aside too.  While I miss Chris still, quite terribly so, I long even more to touch on more and more of that Presence. 

Chris receiving new life in Christ was the hardest moment of my life and yet oh so teachable.  God really does fill in the empty spaces.  He plants seeds and creates desires for deeper and deeper relationship with Him and all we have to do is lean in to that grace and trust the relationship. Two days after I first gathered him in my arms, my husband's body gave out and in a moment I became a widow.  While I stopped being a wife, I know with total certainty I have not stopped being a sister in Christ to him.  Chris is now in that very great cloud of witnesses that surrounds us, touching us, holding us and flooding us with Grace. 

One year ago tonight I wrapped Chris up in my arms...and God wrapped us up in His.  Thanks be to Him who really does keep us from falling. 

Grace for your journey,
Leigh