My mother taught me to get all my laundry done on New Year's Eve every year...to get the year started off right I suppose. So, amidst other things today I have been working on the laundry because that's what I learned from my family. Lest you think I only learned neatness and clean laundry from my mom and dad, let me assure you that the faith I daily work to refine was planted in that house and in that church.
Tonight I am very aware that the lessons we teach our children are ones they take with them in to their lives as well. So as we finish 2009 I am grateful that our children have learned this year to take life one day at a time; it will serve them well. I am grateful they have learned how to be present with people in hospitals; it will also serve them well. I am grateful they know that you go to church, even when you feel pretty bad (a lesson being consistenly taught by their dad); it will certainly serve them well; and I am very grateful that they have learned that being family means facing and dealing with life together.
And so at the end of 2009, Chris and I can very definitely say we are blessed with incredible children, who we are glad make up our family. And we pray fervently for a very healthy and exciting 2010!! God bless your new year as well.
Grace for you journey,
Leigh
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Surgery!
Back in September after the first scan showed Chris was responding to chemo, I prayed and prayed and prayed that one day we would hear that surgery was possible. Dr. Gold, the oncologist, HOPED we would get to that point but oncologists don't like to make false promises so he always said HOPE and never made the commitment. He looked like a kid in a candy shop the day before Thanksgiving when he came in with the ct/pet scan results that showed surgery on the liver was possible and five days later we were in the liver surgeon's office. And today, we have a date, January 12th...two weeks from today!!
So we're tickled that surgery is so close, that it's even possible. Lots of prayer, lots of hard work, lots of chemo, lots of waiting on Chris, lots of work FROM Chris and lots of patience from kids has gone in to getting where we are now. A 13 year old has learned that life is more than video games and school work and yet balances those things with a new life that is more intense and more meaningful. An 18 year old became a college freshman and balances school and friends with chemo and helping out at home. And as a family, we are closer, we are doing this together, all of us.
God is at work and it's very easy to see that. But life and cancer and sickness and hard times beg questions that we hate as Christians, the ones that make us squirm in our pews because they almost hurt too much to ask...why this person, why not that person, why now, why everything. Seven months into a journey that we never wanted to take but are on we are left with the deepest assurance of God's Presence, of His never ending commitment to be in relationship with us and yet we are also completely left with the awareness that we will never understand God at all. No where in seminary did anyone ever tell me I would become truly wordless in how to talk about God. There is no language for God and we, as humans, are grasping in the dark to put words on this wordless Love. We have spent months now intersecting the paths of other people, of other families, of other Christians, some of whom get good news, some bad and there are no answers for why this person and why not the next. Hard questions, human questions...the ones we all feel in the secret places of our souls.
I wish I had some insightful answer for you about the day of the big epiphany, when it all became clear. I think that day is actually the day we come in to God's immediate presence and not to happen in this life. Instead we must be content with glimpses and a comforting Presence and the assurance that we are in a relationship with One who loves us despite our lack of understanding. I don't know why Chris, in particular, is responding so well to treatment but I'm more grateful than I can express and I DO believe God Himself is at work in healing him just like He did when He walked among us. And I believe it with all my heart and I am humbled and in awe. And when it comes right down to it that's all I really know.
Grace for your journey,
Leigh
So we're tickled that surgery is so close, that it's even possible. Lots of prayer, lots of hard work, lots of chemo, lots of waiting on Chris, lots of work FROM Chris and lots of patience from kids has gone in to getting where we are now. A 13 year old has learned that life is more than video games and school work and yet balances those things with a new life that is more intense and more meaningful. An 18 year old became a college freshman and balances school and friends with chemo and helping out at home. And as a family, we are closer, we are doing this together, all of us.
God is at work and it's very easy to see that. But life and cancer and sickness and hard times beg questions that we hate as Christians, the ones that make us squirm in our pews because they almost hurt too much to ask...why this person, why not that person, why now, why everything. Seven months into a journey that we never wanted to take but are on we are left with the deepest assurance of God's Presence, of His never ending commitment to be in relationship with us and yet we are also completely left with the awareness that we will never understand God at all. No where in seminary did anyone ever tell me I would become truly wordless in how to talk about God. There is no language for God and we, as humans, are grasping in the dark to put words on this wordless Love. We have spent months now intersecting the paths of other people, of other families, of other Christians, some of whom get good news, some bad and there are no answers for why this person and why not the next. Hard questions, human questions...the ones we all feel in the secret places of our souls.
I wish I had some insightful answer for you about the day of the big epiphany, when it all became clear. I think that day is actually the day we come in to God's immediate presence and not to happen in this life. Instead we must be content with glimpses and a comforting Presence and the assurance that we are in a relationship with One who loves us despite our lack of understanding. I don't know why Chris, in particular, is responding so well to treatment but I'm more grateful than I can express and I DO believe God Himself is at work in healing him just like He did when He walked among us. And I believe it with all my heart and I am humbled and in awe. And when it comes right down to it that's all I really know.
Grace for your journey,
Leigh
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Finding Normal
There is a banana bread in the oven and the house smells wonderfully yummy, that's Christmas normal. Eric is just beside himself waiting for Santa to deliver on that x-box 360, that's another Christmas normal. I have shopping left to do and, of all places, the overcrowded Walmart...another Christmas normal. Chris is doing econ research, that's a Christmas/EVERYDAY normal. Emily is cleaning her room because friends are coming on Friday, another Christmas normal. AND...after a 2:45 pm appointment today...we are done with radiation...and, dare I say it, we are looking at some more just plain NORMAL.
Dr. Mehta, the radiation oncologist, told us yesterday that they had been able to focus the beam so precisely that they were able to deliver the dosage in five treatments, finishing today, instead of the ten we had previously thought. And we're looking now at a Christmas Eve of our version of normal, breakfast, last minute errands, a nice flank steak meal and church at 7:00 pm.
Normal has never looked so good!! Yet, as soon as I say that, I realize that God is God and His normal never changes, not when we are sick, not when we are stressed, not when we get so busy for life that we don't spend much time with Him...His normal is constant and life giving and unconditional and grace filled and perfect. Sometimes we work so hard to find OUR normal we forget His normal is there all the time. The real normal is in staying in relationship with Him, both as individuals and as a family. We get scared and stressed and worried and overwhelmed and yet we never lose HIS normal. And once again it's Christmas, and this loving and wonderful God invites us into relationship with Him through His Son, who really does get what we feel.
Sometimes daily bread is just taking hold of God's normal and remembering it's our gift, it's free and it's all we need. Claim your daily bread!!
Grace for your journey,
Leigh
Dr. Mehta, the radiation oncologist, told us yesterday that they had been able to focus the beam so precisely that they were able to deliver the dosage in five treatments, finishing today, instead of the ten we had previously thought. And we're looking now at a Christmas Eve of our version of normal, breakfast, last minute errands, a nice flank steak meal and church at 7:00 pm.
Normal has never looked so good!! Yet, as soon as I say that, I realize that God is God and His normal never changes, not when we are sick, not when we are stressed, not when we get so busy for life that we don't spend much time with Him...His normal is constant and life giving and unconditional and grace filled and perfect. Sometimes we work so hard to find OUR normal we forget His normal is there all the time. The real normal is in staying in relationship with Him, both as individuals and as a family. We get scared and stressed and worried and overwhelmed and yet we never lose HIS normal. And once again it's Christmas, and this loving and wonderful God invites us into relationship with Him through His Son, who really does get what we feel.
Sometimes daily bread is just taking hold of God's normal and remembering it's our gift, it's free and it's all we need. Claim your daily bread!!
Grace for your journey,
Leigh
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Starting Today
So this seems to be an easy way to update people on life in Seattle, life in our house and life in our hearts. This was Day Two of Ten in the radiation series for Chris. The prelude to the first surgery, one more step in wellness and one more thing for us to learn how to do. We did chemo like a family, we basically moved in to the chemo room, complete with our Cheers dvd's and our snacks. If he couldn't have chemo in the living room, then we took our living room to chemo. Cancer doesn't have ANYTHING on our family...we so do this together.
Radiation is different but at the same time, we're learning to do that as a family too. We go, we sit with him til they call him back, then for ten minutes the door is shut and we wait. I think I like chemo better because I can touch it, hold the bags and say prayers over them but radiation is short and I am reminded today by a friend of the Refiner's Fire and how God is making him well through radiation too. Our Lord is so amazing, He can work through poison known as chemo and radiation too. It's weird to us though, Chris and I are teenagers of the 1980's, we came of age in the Cold War, living in FEAR of radiation and now it's something we look to for healing. So, radiation has taken a tad bit of acceptance here but God is God and we are not and our God can use ANYTHING to heal.
Sometimes it takes to the end of the day to find the daily bread for that day, I mean it always comes but we just plain don't see it or don't trust it or something but somehow at the end of every day BOOM, it was there all along. So I'm like totally in to the Lord's Prayer every morning and trying to remember that it comes, it just comes. So, that said, today's daily bread-- Dianne, the radiation nurse remembering ALL our names on the SECOND day, as in Hi Leigh, Hi Emily, Hi Chris (Eric had to be at school because it was early) but she remembered him and asked where he was. This woman has like a gazillion people coming through each day and on Day 2 she already knows us. I mean wow, these people are just so danged nice. We already love ALL the chemo nurses and Alice, Dr. Gold's nurse, who is just about the most grace filled woman around and now the radiation folks. They challenge me to live in a more grace filled way...you never know what your smile or your kindness does to another person. Speaking of which, we went to see Dr. Gold, our oncologist on Tuesday, just to make sure he was cool with the surgery plans, etc. and he was so great, hugged us both, told Chris how much everyone was pulling for him and said, "Now make sure you call Alice with the surgery date, I want to come visit some." I mean this man has tons of patients and he never forgets to be a human being and that we are too and when they were teaching bedside manner this man aced the course!! He was Tuesday's daily bread, complete with hugs for us both.
So, my advice here: Be someone's daily bread. It will tickle them and God.
Grace for your journey,
Leigh
Radiation is different but at the same time, we're learning to do that as a family too. We go, we sit with him til they call him back, then for ten minutes the door is shut and we wait. I think I like chemo better because I can touch it, hold the bags and say prayers over them but radiation is short and I am reminded today by a friend of the Refiner's Fire and how God is making him well through radiation too. Our Lord is so amazing, He can work through poison known as chemo and radiation too. It's weird to us though, Chris and I are teenagers of the 1980's, we came of age in the Cold War, living in FEAR of radiation and now it's something we look to for healing. So, radiation has taken a tad bit of acceptance here but God is God and we are not and our God can use ANYTHING to heal.
Sometimes it takes to the end of the day to find the daily bread for that day, I mean it always comes but we just plain don't see it or don't trust it or something but somehow at the end of every day BOOM, it was there all along. So I'm like totally in to the Lord's Prayer every morning and trying to remember that it comes, it just comes. So, that said, today's daily bread-- Dianne, the radiation nurse remembering ALL our names on the SECOND day, as in Hi Leigh, Hi Emily, Hi Chris (Eric had to be at school because it was early) but she remembered him and asked where he was. This woman has like a gazillion people coming through each day and on Day 2 she already knows us. I mean wow, these people are just so danged nice. We already love ALL the chemo nurses and Alice, Dr. Gold's nurse, who is just about the most grace filled woman around and now the radiation folks. They challenge me to live in a more grace filled way...you never know what your smile or your kindness does to another person. Speaking of which, we went to see Dr. Gold, our oncologist on Tuesday, just to make sure he was cool with the surgery plans, etc. and he was so great, hugged us both, told Chris how much everyone was pulling for him and said, "Now make sure you call Alice with the surgery date, I want to come visit some." I mean this man has tons of patients and he never forgets to be a human being and that we are too and when they were teaching bedside manner this man aced the course!! He was Tuesday's daily bread, complete with hugs for us both.
So, my advice here: Be someone's daily bread. It will tickle them and God.
Grace for your journey,
Leigh
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