Thanksgiving

Pumpkin pies are cooling, the tree is up.  Pajama clad kids are still nestled in their beds, 19 and 14 but looking especially innocent and sweet to me this year.  It's early Thanksgiving morning and I'm very present with the thoughts of all the many Thanksgivings in my past. 

Chris was a perfect southern gentleman when it came to appreciating good food and he made over my dinners each year like we were dining at the nicest of restaurants, telling me he couldn't take in another bite but always finding room for a bit more.  Then he would doze in his chair with one eye on a football game and one on the kids and I miss that.

Life changes.  We're facing a day without him, our first significant holiday and everything is tempered with that awareness.  When we finished cleaning up last night, Eric said I can see Dad sitting right here, looking at this Disneyland picture of Emily and me and getting that smile and slight laugh that he would get.  Then a couple of tears streamed.  I said I missed him too and Emily was right on my heels, yelling from her room that she did too.  So we stopped everything we were doing and met grief right there, where it once again screamed for instant attention, this time speaking first to Eric but engaging us all.  We all knew it but we hadn't said it out loud just yet. 

I love that we can be real.  Grief is real and saying it hurts is real.  Being able to pick up a picture and cry that your Dad can't see it too is real.  Being real and honest and allowing the waves of grief to wax and wane and to be felt is how we live now.  And God meets us in it, right where we are.

So today is Thanksgiving and we ARE thankful because the blessings are bountiful in our lives.  Yes we miss him, yes we face hard moments but Chris' life now is this very real testimony to the Sacred Promise.  And the smell of pumpkin pie hangs heavy in our home, a reminder that we are a family taking a little more time for gratitude today.  Once again, God draws us close and the Mysterious Divine says it's all okay, we are a part of an eternal story...and for that we give thanks.

Grace for your journey,
Leigh