Sickness...Grace

"How's our boy?" He would always call a couple times a day and ask that very question whenever Eric was sick. Working though he was, Chris was a consummate father. For the last three days, Eric has been sick, pretty danged sick actually...high fever, bad tonsils, bad ears, throwing up, etc. And every time the phone would ring in the daytime I would, for a second, think oh the thoughtful Dad is checking in again. And I have faced one more thing I didn't anticipate about life. Yet Eric IS slowly improving, antibiotics are a good thing sometimes, even for natural medicine loving me. And with his improvement, one more first time is accomplished, "first sickness since Chris died" got crammed into first birthday and first Easter week.

Along the way I found myself going back to Weight Watchers this week, a healthy baby step for me, after a year long sabbatical from it. I chose a new day and a new group but it feels right, like a good thing. Finding little steps towards a new life is hard, but no less right. A very good best kind of best friend read to me out of the Gospel of Matthew this morning, where Jesus talks about being the God of Abraham, the God of the living and once again, through scripture and friendship I was reminded that life continues past this world and these bodies we inhabit and that all really IS well. YES, the missing him continues...INTENSELY SO, yes, the shock of it still sinks in at times...SURPRISINGLY SO, yes, the love never ends...ETERNALLY SO but life DOES go on, because God is God and we are not. And for THAT truth, I am very grateful.

Our Lord did the most gracious thing this week when Easter fell on the one month anniversary, and I was again comforted by the real constant in this world...that God does go ahead of us, showing us the way, preparing the path, keeping us safe. How can we really ever be genuinely afraid of the unknown when it is KNOWN to God?? Doesn't reduce the anxiety and stress of human life but it eases it a bit and certainly takes away the fear.

And so our boy is sick this week, but Chris knows that already. He also knows that God is caring for Eric and each of us. It would be so wonderful to pick up the phone and hear him ask how he's doing and it hurts that that isn't going to happen. But I am choosing to count blessings today and when I started my mental list I realized the list was infinite. I also realized that it's our calling to continue the good work started in Chris and think more globally about micro-lending and poverty in the world. I realized that loving and honoring my husband means picking up the tasks at hand that mattered not only to him but to God.

OUR boy is sick, but he's been to the doctor, he's got an antibiotic for his ears and throat, he has clean water to drink, a warm bed to sleep in, and the various creature comforts of being a middle class kid in America. We really have a lot to give back and that realization is yet another blessing from God. Because the reality is that God has good work to do in each of us.

Grace for your journey,
Leigh