Three Months

In some ways March 4th feels like just yesterday. Still, in other ways, it feels like light years ago. Grief and pain are like that and they are very easily swayed by tiredness. Three months later we are still very tired, we still have more days with tears than without them and we struggle to find a new normal. And yet three months are but a blink in God's timing and I can speak for the kids and myself when I say that we continue to rejoice in both Chris' freedom from pain and his blissful happiness in the Immediate Presence.

In the last three months I have also fallen deeper in love with our Lord's grace and gifts to us as His children. He perpetually sends uplifting words and redirects my heart back to Him. He calls to me daily, as I know He does all believers. So why do I hear Him so much more clearly now?? Perhaps when the absolute worst thing you can imagine happens and you still have breath you begin to recognize the stripped down nature that is humanity all the time and realize control is merely an illusion. Perhaps I recognize my own needs for Him more and for that I humbly ask His forgiveness, my need is no greater now than it ever really was. What I do know with complete certainty is that Jeremiah spoke truth in Lamentations when he said God's steadfast Love NEVER ceases. New mercies DO come, even amidst extreme grief and pain. God is not only real and active and at work in His people and His world but He genuinely loves us in a manner that we can't possibly fathom. He guides, loves, directs and holds us through a life we often perceive as unfair and unjust, where good men die all too young, where children are hungry and war still prevails. He IS at work and staying in relationship amidst our lack of understanding is our only job. Faith is about believing in the One we cannot even comprehend and knowing with all that we are that our Mysterious Lover is truly Perfect.

Three months later I still miss Chris, painfully so. Three months later I still find peace. God is God and I am not and for that truth I am eternally grateful.

Grace for your journey,
Leigh