As I type this, there is a nice sunbeam coming in the window here in our room in ICU and I'm getting a bit sleepy and Chris is resting well. We've been waiting for someone to take us up to his new room back on the 11th floor for a couple of hours now. Chris is doing well and doctors are saying going home by Thursday is likely. I never again want to hear from a surgeon, "sign here so I can operate, we're in danger of this being life threatening." I signed, he had surgery and you would never know it today. Seven total strangers took a good thirty minutes to give blood some time in the last month and I can't thank them personally but I'm eternally grateful. Surgeons were able to correct a bleed because these seven people gave them the room to work with Chris' body. And one of the best best friends in the world kept me praying and having faith throughout it.
Seven people cared about Chris without even knowing they WERE caring about Chris. A surgeon filling in for ours, one we had never met, came in and said he couldn't sleep for worrying about Chris. A liver surgeon got up early on his day off to come in and be in the operating room just because he cares about Chris. And this wife got hugs from surgeons and nurses. I didn't wait at Swedish this time he was in surgery. I lit a candle in the chapel at Seattle U. I traced my fingers along the wax wall in that chapel and felt once again the Presence that is surrounding our lives.
Today I am filled with gratitude for compassion and caring by strangers and best friends alike and a keen awareness that human beings really ARE good at heart and really ARE made in the image of God. Colleagues who sit and wait, who offer meals, nurses who give iv's and hugs, surgeons who really get that it isn't just a job but an operation on your family member and that you are scared. And the grace of total strangers who took thirty minutes to keep someone alive amazes me now even though I have never realized it when I gave blood myself.
The hymn that is playing in my heart and head today is One Bread One Body. All I can think about is that line in it..."and we though many throughout the earth, we are one body in this one Lord."
So thanks to all of you, the ones we know really well, the ones we have met and know professionally, the ones we will never meet. I'm glad each of you is our life.
Grace for your journey,
Leigh
Monday, January 18, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Thou and Thou Only First in Our Hearts...
Finding myself humming Be Thou My Vision as I type this. Heart of my own heart, whatever befall...
This morning, Chris was taken back to surgery to correct a serious bleed that was potentially life threatening. They found a large blood clot and removed it and he is doing well again. There was a new colon surgeon covering for ours, who is out of town. I noticed a cross on his neck as he spoke to me, telling me how worried he was about Chris and I told him I would pray for him, his wisdom and for his hands to be God's hands. The surgery went very quickly, very successfully and there is a much more healing energy surrounding Chris now.
God really DOES meet us where we are...whatever befall. Chris is resting comfortably again, healing and demonstrating tremendous strength. God is at work in him, in his doctors, in all of us if we allow it. Whatever befall...still be Thou our Vision... What work is God at in you???
Grace for your journey,
Leigh
This morning, Chris was taken back to surgery to correct a serious bleed that was potentially life threatening. They found a large blood clot and removed it and he is doing well again. There was a new colon surgeon covering for ours, who is out of town. I noticed a cross on his neck as he spoke to me, telling me how worried he was about Chris and I told him I would pray for him, his wisdom and for his hands to be God's hands. The surgery went very quickly, very successfully and there is a much more healing energy surrounding Chris now.
God really DOES meet us where we are...whatever befall. Chris is resting comfortably again, healing and demonstrating tremendous strength. God is at work in him, in his doctors, in all of us if we allow it. Whatever befall...still be Thou our Vision... What work is God at in you???
Grace for your journey,
Leigh
Chris is being taken back in to surgery this morning to find and correct a bleed. Please pray for the surgeons to find it quickly and for Chris to be okay here. Given how hard this is on our kids and how much support they are needing from me today, we would prefer not to have visitors. Thank you for your understanding.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
A step back
I lack the complete medical understanding of all of what is going on today but would like your prayers nonetheless. That said, our primary care provider is writing this for us:
Early this morning Chris started not doing as well as yesterday. A number of things have contributed to this step backwards. First, the epidural pain medication was stopped early yesterday and it took until last night for it to wear off. All day, under the influence of the strong pain killer, Chris started walking all over the place and just about every criteria was met for going home today. He went from a liquid diet to full diet. He ate a large lunch. Last night he started vomiting. His pain level started up. We found out this morning that he had been losing blood and had gotten quite anemic. Chris is now getting a blood transfusion and has back most of the tubes he had a couple days ago. The bleeding, we believe, is from a small vessel that lost its clot either from overactivity or the vomiting. Given a little time this should seal itself up. That is what we're waiting for now. If it does not seal up, a surgical intervention may be necessary. Until we know for certain, it would be helpful if we didn't have visitors.
Early this morning Chris started not doing as well as yesterday. A number of things have contributed to this step backwards. First, the epidural pain medication was stopped early yesterday and it took until last night for it to wear off. All day, under the influence of the strong pain killer, Chris started walking all over the place and just about every criteria was met for going home today. He went from a liquid diet to full diet. He ate a large lunch. Last night he started vomiting. His pain level started up. We found out this morning that he had been losing blood and had gotten quite anemic. Chris is now getting a blood transfusion and has back most of the tubes he had a couple days ago. The bleeding, we believe, is from a small vessel that lost its clot either from overactivity or the vomiting. Given a little time this should seal itself up. That is what we're waiting for now. If it does not seal up, a surgical intervention may be necessary. Until we know for certain, it would be helpful if we didn't have visitors.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Surgery Update
Surgery went really well. The basic synopsis is this: they were after four tumors in the right lobe of his liver. Two were benign hepatic cysts, many of you reading this have some of your own, apparently we all do from time to time. One of them was not there, likely just obliterated by chemo and the last one was vaporized in surgery by Dr. Precht and his microwave oblating machine.
Colon surgery went well too. Dr. Kratz didn't mention any problems so we are now working on healing from surgery. THAT is quite the task. Chris is working on breathing deeply, hugging his pillow in the process and I'm trying to cheer him on and support him. Think a few of the things they have done today have been more painful that my proud Southern husband would admit, based on how hard he squeezed my hand. All in all, he's a great sport and working hard and we have two delightful young people due to arrive in a few hours and they will be laden with some dvd's and things to distract Dad from his pain.
My cell phone works great here so that's the best way to reach us, since the room phone rings really loud but I can keep it on vibrate. 425-221-1142
I'll write an update later today, going to order up some jello for him now. Thank you all for your continued support and prayers.
Grace for your journey,
Leigh
Colon surgery went well too. Dr. Kratz didn't mention any problems so we are now working on healing from surgery. THAT is quite the task. Chris is working on breathing deeply, hugging his pillow in the process and I'm trying to cheer him on and support him. Think a few of the things they have done today have been more painful that my proud Southern husband would admit, based on how hard he squeezed my hand. All in all, he's a great sport and working hard and we have two delightful young people due to arrive in a few hours and they will be laden with some dvd's and things to distract Dad from his pain.
My cell phone works great here so that's the best way to reach us, since the room phone rings really loud but I can keep it on vibrate. 425-221-1142
I'll write an update later today, going to order up some jello for him now. Thank you all for your continued support and prayers.
Grace for your journey,
Leigh
Monday, January 11, 2010
Getting Ready
It's almost bedtime here and the house is as clean as it's going to get for now. In some ways, it's reminiscient of those nights we have cleaned and packed because we were off to Sea-Tac to fly to Disneyland early the next morning. Then we can't sleep because we are so ready to get there. Tonight, while I do think we can sleep because we are all really tired, we actually ARE ready to get there. We've worked for this, we've changed, we've held tight to one another and we have prayed together and individually for Chris, and we have GROWN as a family while we worked as a family to get here.
So, there are no teacups tomorrow, except for the ones from Starbucks while we wait for Chris to have his surgery but there is excitment in a lot of ways. Daunting, unknown and scary as surgery is to us, we worked hard to get here and at 5:40 a.m. tomorrow morning all four of us will walk in to Swedish together because that's how we do it. And three of us would like all of you to know that we are more proud of Chris than we can express.
Grace for your journey,
Leigh
So, there are no teacups tomorrow, except for the ones from Starbucks while we wait for Chris to have his surgery but there is excitment in a lot of ways. Daunting, unknown and scary as surgery is to us, we worked hard to get here and at 5:40 a.m. tomorrow morning all four of us will walk in to Swedish together because that's how we do it. And three of us would like all of you to know that we are more proud of Chris than we can express.
Grace for your journey,
Leigh
Hymns and Tummy Butterflies
My grandmother told me years ago it was important to know hymns by heart and also to know the liturgies of the Moravian Church, the denomination in which Chris and I both grew up. Truthfully, I remember taking great pride in not needing a hymnal by my adolescent years. In college, however, I was introduced to the concepts that worship needed to be dynamic and organic and changing, so it was new and reinventing itself all the time. This way of thinking kept being hammered at me in seminary as well. And time and again I heard how important it was basically to re-imagine worship, as if the church had to repackage God because He was antiquated for today's people. And that memorization seemed devalued somehow.
In the past few years, however, I have realized more and more that those hymns that were drilled into my head and those liturgies of Psalms that Sunday after Sunday became more ingrained in spirit and are the very impulse of my being.
Tomorrow is Chris' surgery. Up to this point, the sum total of this family's hospital experience is this: Eric, seven days in NICU at birth, Leigh, day surgery one time, Emily, appendectomy, after which Valley tossed us out at less than eighteen hours inpatient and Chris...nothing before tomorrow. We're lightweights at this!!
That said...thank you Grandmother!! Those hymns ARE important and not needing a hymnal comes in handy. Chris learned the very same hymns. And THAT is where we are this morning, butterflies in our tummies but hymns in our hearts. As I type this, Chris has fallen back asleep, Eric is resting off a cold, Emily is in class and each of us knows that God is God and we are not. And there are hymns in our hearts and there surely will be tomorrow as well.
Grace for your journey,
Leigh
In the past few years, however, I have realized more and more that those hymns that were drilled into my head and those liturgies of Psalms that Sunday after Sunday became more ingrained in spirit and are the very impulse of my being.
Tomorrow is Chris' surgery. Up to this point, the sum total of this family's hospital experience is this: Eric, seven days in NICU at birth, Leigh, day surgery one time, Emily, appendectomy, after which Valley tossed us out at less than eighteen hours inpatient and Chris...nothing before tomorrow. We're lightweights at this!!
That said...thank you Grandmother!! Those hymns ARE important and not needing a hymnal comes in handy. Chris learned the very same hymns. And THAT is where we are this morning, butterflies in our tummies but hymns in our hearts. As I type this, Chris has fallen back asleep, Eric is resting off a cold, Emily is in class and each of us knows that God is God and we are not. And there are hymns in our hearts and there surely will be tomorrow as well.
Grace for your journey,
Leigh
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Hurdles
"No matter what changes God has performed in you, never rely on them. Build only on a Person, the Lord Jesus Christ, and on the Spirit He gives." -Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest - Jan.5th)
Never rely on them, the changes God has worked in me...that's sobering. I woke up this morning to this very devotional and had a conversation about it with a good friend and spiritual guide for me. It was a long night, actually it was a SHORT night. Late last night the reality of the surgeries we are facing next week hit me and I committed the ultimate sin of the internet age and googled the surgeries and their recoveries. WHOA!!! I learned two things, everyone who said don't google anything was right and there are a lot of people out there willing to share some pretty intimate physical details on the internet. (Some of these details should NOT be shared.) Overwhelmed quickly gave way to panicked and I felt inadequate and small.
The hospital time sounded big enough already, but the coming home part sounds pretty intense as well. I finally went to sleep praying that God would prepare me to face the task of helping Chris, would prepare Chris to be patient and the kids to be helpful and understanding. I went to sleep comforted by the the changes God has already worked in me and trusting them. I woke up to this devotional and was reminded again...this isn't about me, or Chris or Emily or Eric or any one of the many people who support us, it's not about doctors and nurses, it's not even about cancer. Life is about God and the Holy Spirit is in control and guides us and we need to surrender and let Him be. And once again I am reminded that life is about this moment and not the next.
Surgery is next Tuesday, there's a lot to get done between now and then, things to organize and gather for the post-operative time at home, house to clean, schedules to work out, but the Holy Spirit will lead us through all that and I don't have to think about it right now. Maybe Scarlett O'Hara was more theologically deep than selfish southern princess...(okay maybe that's a stretch) but I do find some theology in her words, "I'll think about that tomorrow." Today I have laundry to do, dinner to make, a house to clean. Those are the hurdles in my path for this day. That's not denial of the future, it's acceptance of the present. Life is revealing itself minute by minute not just for us and people dealing with significant illness or stress but for everyone. We ALL face hurdles. The Holy Spirit was given to us to lead the way through them and over them.
Jesus really IS asking us for an internal sacrifice, complete surrender. I think, as Christians, we all know that, we all strive for it and want it but it's also really hard at times. I do not know what lies ahead of us not only in surgery and the like but life in general but there will be hurdles and God is God and we are not. What hurdles do you face today?
Grace for your journey,
Leigh
Never rely on them, the changes God has worked in me...that's sobering. I woke up this morning to this very devotional and had a conversation about it with a good friend and spiritual guide for me. It was a long night, actually it was a SHORT night. Late last night the reality of the surgeries we are facing next week hit me and I committed the ultimate sin of the internet age and googled the surgeries and their recoveries. WHOA!!! I learned two things, everyone who said don't google anything was right and there are a lot of people out there willing to share some pretty intimate physical details on the internet. (Some of these details should NOT be shared.) Overwhelmed quickly gave way to panicked and I felt inadequate and small.
The hospital time sounded big enough already, but the coming home part sounds pretty intense as well. I finally went to sleep praying that God would prepare me to face the task of helping Chris, would prepare Chris to be patient and the kids to be helpful and understanding. I went to sleep comforted by the the changes God has already worked in me and trusting them. I woke up to this devotional and was reminded again...this isn't about me, or Chris or Emily or Eric or any one of the many people who support us, it's not about doctors and nurses, it's not even about cancer. Life is about God and the Holy Spirit is in control and guides us and we need to surrender and let Him be. And once again I am reminded that life is about this moment and not the next.
Surgery is next Tuesday, there's a lot to get done between now and then, things to organize and gather for the post-operative time at home, house to clean, schedules to work out, but the Holy Spirit will lead us through all that and I don't have to think about it right now. Maybe Scarlett O'Hara was more theologically deep than selfish southern princess...(okay maybe that's a stretch) but I do find some theology in her words, "I'll think about that tomorrow." Today I have laundry to do, dinner to make, a house to clean. Those are the hurdles in my path for this day. That's not denial of the future, it's acceptance of the present. Life is revealing itself minute by minute not just for us and people dealing with significant illness or stress but for everyone. We ALL face hurdles. The Holy Spirit was given to us to lead the way through them and over them.
Jesus really IS asking us for an internal sacrifice, complete surrender. I think, as Christians, we all know that, we all strive for it and want it but it's also really hard at times. I do not know what lies ahead of us not only in surgery and the like but life in general but there will be hurdles and God is God and we are not. What hurdles do you face today?
Grace for your journey,
Leigh
Monday, January 4, 2010
Surgery Timeframe Update
This is just a brief surgery timeframe update. All times are in Pacific Time, just to remind you NC folks.
Tuesday, January 12th
5:40 a.m. (yes, it's absurd, isn't it?? and the hospital is 30 minutes away) Arrive at Swedish
7:40 a.m. Surgery begins
7:45 a.m. Class for Emily, DIRECTLY ACROSS THE STREET FROM SWEDISH at Seattle U
with Eric going with her
8:00 a.m. Leigh begins eating fingernails
10:30 a.m. Liver surgery transitions to colo-rectal surgery and the now fingernail-less Leigh
talks with the liver surgeon (hearing how beautifully it all went)
1:30 p.m. Surgery should be over and Chris off to recovery
4:00 ish p.m. Leigh gets to see Chris and then brings in the kids
7:00 p.m. Leigh treks up to Elysian brew pub, gets more relaxed and then spends night at
Swedish
For you Seattle folks, plug in where you want to, just give me a call. For you NC folks, I'll have one for you at the brew pub. :>)
Grace for your journey,
Leigh
Tuesday, January 12th
5:40 a.m. (yes, it's absurd, isn't it?? and the hospital is 30 minutes away) Arrive at Swedish
7:40 a.m. Surgery begins
7:45 a.m. Class for Emily, DIRECTLY ACROSS THE STREET FROM SWEDISH at Seattle U
with Eric going with her
8:00 a.m. Leigh begins eating fingernails
10:30 a.m. Liver surgery transitions to colo-rectal surgery and the now fingernail-less Leigh
talks with the liver surgeon (hearing how beautifully it all went)
1:30 p.m. Surgery should be over and Chris off to recovery
4:00 ish p.m. Leigh gets to see Chris and then brings in the kids
7:00 p.m. Leigh treks up to Elysian brew pub, gets more relaxed and then spends night at
Swedish
For you Seattle folks, plug in where you want to, just give me a call. For you NC folks, I'll have one for you at the brew pub. :>)
Grace for your journey,
Leigh
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
