Hurdles

"No matter what changes God has performed in you, never rely on them. Build only on a Person, the Lord Jesus Christ, and on the Spirit He gives." -Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest - Jan.5th)

Never rely on them, the changes God has worked in me...that's sobering. I woke up this morning to this very devotional and had a conversation about it with a good friend and spiritual guide for me. It was a long night, actually it was a SHORT night. Late last night the reality of the surgeries we are facing next week hit me and I committed the ultimate sin of the internet age and googled the surgeries and their recoveries. WHOA!!! I learned two things, everyone who said don't google anything was right and there are a lot of people out there willing to share some pretty intimate physical details on the internet. (Some of these details should NOT be shared.) Overwhelmed quickly gave way to panicked and I felt inadequate and small.

The hospital time sounded big enough already, but the coming home part sounds pretty intense as well. I finally went to sleep praying that God would prepare me to face the task of helping Chris, would prepare Chris to be patient and the kids to be helpful and understanding. I went to sleep comforted by the the changes God has already worked in me and trusting them. I woke up to this devotional and was reminded again...this isn't about me, or Chris or Emily or Eric or any one of the many people who support us, it's not about doctors and nurses, it's not even about cancer. Life is about God and the Holy Spirit is in control and guides us and we need to surrender and let Him be. And once again I am reminded that life is about this moment and not the next.

Surgery is next Tuesday, there's a lot to get done between now and then, things to organize and gather for the post-operative time at home, house to clean, schedules to work out, but the Holy Spirit will lead us through all that and I don't have to think about it right now. Maybe Scarlett O'Hara was more theologically deep than selfish southern princess...(okay maybe that's a stretch) but I do find some theology in her words, "I'll think about that tomorrow." Today I have laundry to do, dinner to make, a house to clean. Those are the hurdles in my path for this day. That's not denial of the future, it's acceptance of the present. Life is revealing itself minute by minute not just for us and people dealing with significant illness or stress but for everyone. We ALL face hurdles. The Holy Spirit was given to us to lead the way through them and over them.

Jesus really IS asking us for an internal sacrifice, complete surrender. I think, as Christians, we all know that, we all strive for it and want it but it's also really hard at times. I do not know what lies ahead of us not only in surgery and the like but life in general but there will be hurdles and God is God and we are not. What hurdles do you face today?

Grace for your journey,
Leigh