We have a big yard by Seattle standards. Up against the back fence blackberry vines perpetually try to invade and every spring Chris dutifully took his clippers, donned his leather work gloves and did the guy thing and whacked them down. They never overgrew thanks to his faithful commitment to maintaining our fence line. Last summer he was newly diagnosed, undergoing very high dose chemo and it was all I could do to keep the yard mowed, let alone find and take care of the details of some of what he had always done so they didn't get cut back.
Tonight I am covered with scraps, long scratches, bloody socks and lots of bandaids. The blackberry vines have once again been beaten into submission. I'm sore, I'm aching and I'm pretty banged up and I'm realizing once again what a quiet yet diligent man I married. He spent a good long day each spring doing what I spent today doing. I don't remember him being too sore, or at least owning it. I don't remember bloody socks or bandaids, but he was smart enough not to wear shorts. :>( What I do know is that as I continue to try and fill his shoes on so many levels I realize those shoes were pretty big. I also realize I can't ever truly fill them, nor should I.
There will always be an absence in our lives, time won't change that. But I AM comforted, I felt his presence in my backyard today, I felt him lovingly saying why don't you wear long pants. I feel him often, gently nudging me on not only in homeownership and parenting but in my faith. What a good man I married and what a loving God I have guiding me through the challenges of life. I just need to remember the long pants.
Grace for your journey,
Leigh
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