New and Old

The office kind of fell into place in the last few days. It's very reflective of my energies in particular. It feels cozy and very Leigh on the one hand and a bit sad on the other. Chris will never sit in this office at the computer we have shared, in the room in which we once constructed Eric's crib together. I watched a video the other day, Eric was about two, he was sick with a fever one Sunday morning and I taped him talking and playing with me in this very room while we were waiting for Chris and Emily to get home from church. The moment the car pulled into the driveway Eric joyfully said, "It's my dada, it's my sissy." The tape ends with Chris walking in, handing me a church bulletin and a kiss and saying "Hi sport, feeling better?" to Eric. So there is a heaviness in this room and new furniture and a new floorplan can't erase that. And I never want it to.

Next Sunday marks two things: a month to the day since he died and Easter Sunday. Our Lord is very good to us in so many ways and there is a lot of comfort in the significance of the date for the three of us. Chris lives in heaven now, along with our risen Christ and for that, I am grateful. God reaches in to my darkest moments and sends me grace over and over. A perfectly timed phone call the other day from my cousin Dennis turned tears of grief into tears of joy that God IS very good. Thank you Dennis, more than you can ever know...THANK YOU!! A perfectly timed sermon this morning did much the same. Our Lord loves us more than we can ever see and, with so much of my soul stripped down to nakedness in this state of grief, I can see Him more clearly than ever before. Grace in the midst of crushing pain is ours.

So, my first entry here from my new office. The sounds of Chris' voice, the presence of my memories of him intermingle with my thoughts and my new office. And together Emily, Eric and I face Holy Week, holding tightly to one another and ready to walk with Jesus to the cross and then to rejoice on Easter morning. Wesley was right, death in vain forbids Him rise. Thanks be to God.

Grace for your journey,
Leigh