Ash Wednesday

One year we gave up coffee for Lent, I about died. One year we gave up alcohol, that was simple. One year we tried sugar, we found creative ways to cheat. One year we gave up all drinks but water, I managed to fabricate medical reasons for a few extra ones. We haven't really been stellar at Lenten disciplines. This year, however, discipline is being thrust upon us and the significance of the day is not lost on me. This year we ARE in the wilderness, at least to us, as Lent begins and I'm comforted by the Presence of Jesus here with us but I'm still afraid.

So, here I am alone with Chris in his room at Swedish. He's breathing through a ventilator, he has more iv lines than I have ever seen on a human being, he is motionless and I take his hand and lace my fingers through his and squeeze his and tell him I'm here. I'm in a wilderness I have never before experienced and I hate it. I hate it for him, I hate it for me, I hate it for Eric and Emily, I just hate it. But this is where we are and I can't change it. And I need Jesus like I have never needed Jesus before and it's Ash Wednesday and I feel His outstretched hand in this wilderness and together we walk .

As I finish this up, the repsiratory therapist has just drawn a blood gas on him and it's good news so his oxygen is being turned down a tad. Another baby step toward Easter Sunday. I'm glad I don't have to do this alone and that Jesus meets us in the wilderness...it would be crushingly unbearable without Him.