Frustration

How does one balance being grace-filled with being direct and clear with people?? It's a tightrope I am walking this morning and I'm struggling with anger and hurt amidst knowing that I want to be Christ-like. Father Ely came by though, he reminded me that Jesus Himself got angry. That helped.

I was resting last night, in part because I trusted the ICU to call me if anything happened. At 5 a.m. Chris' lung collapsed and no one ever bothered to call me. More upsetting to my spirit, no one called our surgeon or his practice and the poor resident met me with deep apologies and upset feelings of his own this morning. I was met with an informed consent form and little explanation other than to sign because he needed a chest tube. I was also told he was back on a drug that our liver surgeon specifically didn't want to see in place. And the complexity of conventional hospital medicine infuriated me to no end. But what does grace demand here???

How does one balance kindness and grace with the anger and hurt of being left out of the healthcare of a critically ill spouse?? And how does an ICU doctor who is not even known to me decide to leave out of the loop the surgery practice in whom I place my trust???

Needless to say, I'm struggling with trust here this morning. Struggling to trust the ICU team, struggling to trust Swedish as a whole and beginning to struggle to trust conventional medicine entirely. For a family that strongly believes in and benefits from natural medicine, this experience is disheartening and I find myself deeply saddened this morning.

Chris is resting comfortably, chest tube in place. I am told that this won't have an impact on his overall wellness plan. I'm finding being on my knees an easier place to be at the moment. Trust in the Great Physician is still a slam dunk.

Grace for your journey,
Leigh