Today

Monday morning at 11:30 a.m. Chris is having a small surgery to insert a PEG line for his tube feeds and to put in a trach tube so that the ventilator doesn't have to hook to a tube in his mouth. Three weeks ago, you would never have convinced me that we would still even be at Swedish today and yet last night I signed the consent form for this surgery. I want the tube out of his mouth, I want the feeding tube out of his nose and I want him to continue to heal in comfort. Priorities change, so do people. The ventilator is going to take time for him to wean. Cancer isn't really something I even think about anymore but Chris will when he wakes up I'm sure. That's when I'm going to tell him that going home as a family is the only goal the kids and I have right now. We just plain want to talk with him again, to be with him and to know that he knows we love him.

That's what I'm learning...we think long range in life but long range is best left to God. All any of us is assured of is today. Today I asked the nurse to keep him really sedated so he didn't feel the tube. Sepsis takes time, LOTS of time...to heal. And TODAY...just knowing he is comfortable is all the three of us really want.